The Other Adventures of Zero!
by Vanishing Goose
Summary: Recently uploaded Chapter 2 on July 19!!
1. Chapter 1 - On the Road Again

The Other Adventures of Zero  
by Vanishing Goose (yes, that's my real name.... ::gets shifty-eyed::)  
  
Rated PG-13 for language and sexual references... nothing else really dirty. Weee!  
  
My first fanfic that I decided to write after getting a generous asswhomping in Mega Man X6.... I know it's a step way down for the series, but that doesn't mean I can't finish it....  
  
Legal Shtuff - Capcom owns everything including, but not limited to, Mega Man, Zero, and all other related characters, my immortal soul, my firstborn son, and so on. The actual content of the story belongs to me, and should you steal it, I will file a lawsuit that I will probably lose. But it's the thought that counts. Capcom, I love you, please don't hurt me.  
  
Rate and review, I enjoyed writing it, I want people to enjoy reading it!  
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Prologue  
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A blue figure stands alone on an elevated highway, his sapphire eyes looking ahead with fierce determination.... he is a warrior.... he is strong.... he is....  
  
"....ASSHOLE!!"  
"Yeah, move it, you dumb shit!"  
  
The blaring horns of several angry drivers fill the air as X, our blue hero, not only stands in the middle of a busy street, but not even with traffic going the same way.  
  
Coming out of his vivid daydream, he (very gradually) makes his way across the hoods of the cars, not even caring for the well-being of Ned's recently purchased 21XX model Ford Toestubber.  
  
"JERK!"  
  
A gap in the highway that nobody else seems to notice is soon standing (sitting? lying?) in X's way. He gets a running start and leaps with all his might.  
  
*CRACKLE* "X, this is a big hole. Don't fall in it or you could die. Try to find a way around it. Holes are bad." *POP*  
  
During the transmission, Alia forced X to stop in midjump and listen to her bullshit... instantaneously, X got a harsh introduction to the concept of gravity.  
  
"DAMN YOU ALIAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa...................!!!!!!!!"  
  
Grabbing onto a cable of some sort (X noticed it read "Convenient Plot Device Corp. 21XX"), X attempted to pull himself up and onto the broken highway he originally tried to make it over, before Alia chimed in.  
  
"She has it in for me, I know it... nobody could be that stupid...."  
  
Suddenly, an overheard transmission, let's take a listen:  
__________  
Signas: Alia! What happened on here on the table?!  
Alia: Well, the coffee got cold so I took off the lid and turned the pot upside-down to see if it heated up again.  
Signas: Alia... do anything like this again and you're going back into "The Hole"...  
Alia: No... please no... NO!  
Signas: Carry on....   
_________  
  
"I suddenly feel as though a tremendous burden has been lifted," X said as he took in the overheard conversation. He continued running filt tilt down the highway, X-buster blazing, destroy joyriding reploids and innocent Post-Office Working Robots alike; pretty much anyone who stood in his way. Given that, for some odd reason, there's only two directions in the year 21XX, there's a LOT of people in his way.  
  
Meanwhile, not far away...  
  
Dr. Cain had been sitting at the air-traffic refueling center known as Ground Impact (Our Motto: "If you're pale in the face, you're finall home.") for over an hour, as a violet-armored Maverick in a dark, slitted helmet in a customized Ride Armor interrogated the civilian transports.  
  
Vile: So you're saying these big boxes that read "Illegal Spices and Baby Needs" are, in fact, legal?  
Civilian Reploid: Why yes, is there a problem?  
Vile: There's so many things wrong with this situation, I don't even know where to begin. It's worth wondering why I'm doing policework anyway... why won't Sigma let me go wreak havoc? He gave free reign to all the OTHER weakling little robots in their stupid cars.....  
Civilian Reploid: So... does that mean I can go?  
Vile: *groaning* I'll let you go with a warning..... ::Vile controls his Ride Armor to raise its fist and smash the civilian's car into a portable, but useless wad of scrap metal. The reploid cleared out in time, but he stands in awe for several seconds before running away::  
  
Vile: NEXT!  
Dr. Cain: *driving up* Good evening, Officer...  
Vile: You look familiar....  
Dr. Cain: No, I just have one of those faces....  
Vile: Right... I'm going to take a look in your trunk.... ::opens the back compartment of Cain's vehicle, revealing the Maverick Hunter, Zero, and his partner Squid Adler.::  
  
Vile: Whoa, umm.... we've been looking for these guys, I'll have to radio in to base... we're confiscating these robots, sir.  
Dr. Cain: Wait.... ::jumps out of the car, closes the trunk and stands up on it to bring himself face to face with Vile, and waves his hand in front of his face:: These aren't the Reploids you're looking for.....  
Vile: These aren't the Reploids I'm looking for?  
Dr. Cain: Damn straight! ::he pulls a stale lemon out of his pocket and throws it with all his might at Vile's helmet view-slit::  
Vile: GAH! OW! MY EYE! IT BURNS!  
Dr. Cain: WOO! ::jumps back in the car and speeds away::  
Vile: DAMN YOU OLD MAN! DAMN YOU TO HELL! ::fires several shots from his shoulder-mounted cannon, but they go wide and hit the gas pumps, causing a tremendous explosion followed by a pollution cloud that won't go away for a good century:: Aw... I can't stay mad like this!  
  
Meanwhile again, X sees a huge explosion nearby, and runs down the busy, crappily maintained highway until he reaches the devastated sector. Barrels full of taco meat and Doritos litter the ground.  
  
"Those poor, innocent taco meat things... and the Doritos... what kind of sick bastard would do something like this!?"  
"You rang?"  
  
Vile, in his ride armor, saw X coming a mile away, what with his incredibly tacky coloring and whatnot.  
  
"Shall we tangle, you fossilized piece of blueberry shit?"  
"You've got a vile mouth."  
"I was just going to kill you, nothing personal... but after that horrid pun, I'm going to rock you so hard that your creator will go senile!"  
".........he already is......"  
  
X charges his powerful cannon and readies himself for his combatant. Vile jets his ride armor forward and swings its left fist in a sharp hook. X jumps over the fist and releases a powerful energy blast into the torso section of the ride armor. X, realizing he's not only still airborn, but very vulnerable, gets a very objective view of the paint job on Vile's high-velocity right fist.  
  
"SHIT!"  
  
WHAM!  
  
X's first coherent thought (after slamming into a conveniently placed wall) was something along the lines of "Streetlight Ceiling Fan," but before long he knew he was staring into the merciless mercilessness that is Vile's uh.... helmet visor thing.  
  
Vile tightened his ride armor's grip on X's weakened body, causing a scream of pain followed by a sigh of pleasure as he accidentally fixed X's back problem. "You should have known that you are helpless against me... I have a big tall ride armor, so not only am I compensating for something, but it was anything but a fair fight... you weakling!" Vile continued his taunting until the faint noise of a charging blaster wafted through the air....  
  
Vile: "That can't be good."  
  
A flash of blue-green energy sliced clean through the arm holding X, severely damaging Vile's ride armor.  
  
Vile: "Oh, fuck you!"  
  
The red-clad Maverick Hunter, Zero, dashed to X's side.  
  
Zero: "No need for profanity, you munchkin asshat...."  
Vile: "You totally f0x0red my ride, you dick-cheese."  
X: "Ow, my virgin ears!"  
Zero: "...later, dear, later..."  
Vile: "Eh?"  
Zero: "As I was saying, you rod-rider, don't screw with X, don't screw with me, and DEFINITELY don't screw with an old guy wielding lemons!  
  
Zero began charging his blaster again before Vile simply jumped up into the access door on a Maverick ship that nobody seemed to notice before.  
  
Zero: "Ooh.... my bad."  
X: "Thanks for helping me, there, hon..."  
Zero: "Stop calling me that.... it feels so weird... but you shouldn't go off on these missions by yourself. I'm stronger than you, deal with it..."  
X: "But I wanna find my armor!"  
Zero: "I'm telling you, little capsules hidden in bizarre places by your former creator that hold a hologram of said creator and upgrades your parts has no logic to it at all... you should've just stopped sharing Pepsi bottles with Alia... she's got the Virus...."  
X: "Yeah, but she's fighting the Maverick virus pretty well... we all are, Zero."  
Zero: "....yes.... that virus too...."  
  
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To be continued.... Rate and Review folks! 


	2. Chapter 2 - Things Get Stinky

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Chapter 2 - Things Get Stinky  
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Pimply Faced Kid: *static* "Wel.... Burrito..... Home..... Bean..... ow..... shock.... damn...... crap..... fries with that?"  
Guy 1: "I'd like to order your Bean Bag combo with extra... what's it called? 'Brown glop sauce'?"  
Pimply Faced Kid: "Sorry about that... stupid thing breaks every ffffff.... SCHHHHKRRRRRRRRRT...... Ack! Sorry! Would you like cheese with that?"  
Guy 1: "How much cheese are we talking, here?"  
PFK: "Well, the sizes we have are Small, Medium, Large, and 'Bucket-o-Lard'"  
Guy 1: "Alright, gimme the Bucket-o-Lard"  
PFK: "That'll be $98,544."  
Guy 1: (muttering, while picking up his wallet) "Damn inflation....."  
  
The first guy drives through and grabs his food, handing over a big wad of money. Guy 2 and Guy 2-and-a-Half drive up.  
  
Guy 2: "... I'm tellin' ya man, urinal cakes taste like shit!"  
Guy 2 1/2: "I'm willing to be they taste more like piss."  
Guy 2: ".... you'd probably win that bet."  
  
PFK: "Welcome to...... KRSCHTTTTTTTKKKKKKKKKTTRRRRRT *BANG BANG* Agh!"  
Guy 2: "What the hell was that?"  
Fat Manager Dude: "Sorry, we had to.... fire..... Billy..... he kept making that 'static' noise with his mouth..... it got really annoying."  
Guy 2: "Makes sense."  
FMD: "Anyway, I'll fill in. What can I get you?"  
Guy 2: "Is it possible to get an AK47 here?"  
FMD: "Well yeah, don't you watch the news? Ever since the NRA passed that law about Rifle Availability, it's been illegal to not provide an automatic weapon on request."  
Guy 2: "Oh yeah, cool! Can I just pick it up now?"  
FMD: "Sure, background checks never work anyway!"  
  
Guy 2 and his friend roll up to the window and pick up their weapon (with free complimentary "Get Well Soon" cards).  
  
In a crimson flash, Zero is dashing onto the scene.  
  
Zero: Damn those crimson flashes! Always picking you up when you don't need it!  
  
According to Alia, there is a lot of Maverick Activity going on at the local Burrito Planet, and Zero is there to check it out.  
  
Zero: (on commlink) "So Alia... is there any similarity between you and the guys who run drive-thru windows?"  
Alia: (stopping all of Zero's motion so she can talk to him) "Well, to ramble on and on; drive-thru windows are used to order food when one doesn't have enough time to make a sandwich, go to a restaurant, or shoot pigeons. Pigeons appeared on the scene at the dawn of time when there was primordial soup literally HUNDREDS of years ago.... "  
Signas: (on Alia's end of the commlink) "ALIA!! You idiot! Why did you try to dry your clothes in the MICROWAVE?!!? Now I can't cook the Ramen Noodles for dinner! You dumb fuck!"  
Alia: "Sorry Zero, looks like I have to un-paralyze you.... Signas is putting me back in the "Box"......"  
Zero: "Thank the lord....."  
  
According to his mission log, Zero is to be on the lookout for a Maverick Food Merchant by the name of Reek Burrito....  
  
Zero busts into the Burrito World food parlor and scans the area. Several robots in cowboy hats can be seen playing cards.  
  
Zero: "Who's the Burrito Chief around here?"  
Reek Burrito: "Right here, ya mangey varmint."  
Zero: "I hear you've gone Maverick..."  
Reek Burrito: "Ahh... so you think you can just stumble into this one horse town and retire me? Well I can retire you and your family faster than you can retire a cockroach that deserves to be retired!  
Zero: "You may retire me... but even SENIORS can kick your ass!"  
  
Zero launches his first attack at the 6 foot tall burrito-robot (with visible stink-lines coming from it), by swinging his Z-Saber^TM in a wide arc, missing Reek entirely, but decapitating a nearby Republican.  
  
Wife of Deceased Republican: "Yes! Woo hoo! Time to finally get the right to vote!" (runs off)  
  
Zero, in his distraction at the hands of the Wife of Deceased Republican, is caught offguard by the onslaught of Homing Bean Missiles.  
  
Zero: "Ok, seriously, what the hell kind of attack is that?"  
Reek: "Just wait until I get to the fart jokes, you fuck-trophy!"  
Zero: "Damn you..."  
  
In his rage, Zero began throwing bar stools and small children at the Tortilla Gone Wrong.... after several direct hits, Reek Burrito falls to his knees....  
  
Reek: "Kill me quickly.... with honor, please.... I must die like a warrior..."  
Zero: "Don't worry.... it's all over, you border-jumping turd burglar."  
  
Just then, miraculously, a robotic leprechaun-gone-Maverick bursts through the windows with a razor-sharp 4-leaf clover!  
  
Zero: "No! I thought you were dead! It's my arch-nemesis; Fisty McCramdinhands!"  
Fisty: "You can't get my fucking lucky charms, ya wee bastard!"  
Zero: "It cannot be..... it must be a nightmare..... a nightmare..... a nightmare..... a nightmare......."  
Fisty: "Stop sayin' thet, ya lily livered cod-piece!"  
  
Zero woke up in a cold sweat, taking a moment to realize he's still in his trailer. X lies peacefully in bed next to him, clutching a little plush Lara Croft doll.  
  
Zero: (muttering) "I hate it when he sleeps with that thing....."  
  
Zero rolls out of bed and steps over to the kitchen area, where he cracks open the refrigerator; only to reveal a big tentacled DNA beast that can phase through walls. A small reploid hovers upside-down in mid-air next to it.  
  
Zero: "What the fuck?"  
Tentacle Thing: "I am a Nightmare... thingy..."  
Zero: "Are you immune to Z-sabers?"  
Tentacle Thing: "No, but...... GAH! MY FACE! I'll be back, and there will be THOUSANDS! And we will be impossible to defeat, and we will infect TONS of reploids FOREVER!!! We will get them where you cannot save them; in their DREAMS!!!!!!"  
Zero: "Yeah right..... in your..... Nightmares........ BWA HA HA!"  
  
Zero, thoroughly unphased by the entire incident, steps outside to have a smoke. He takes a moment to look at the small label on the cigarette pack that, over time, replaced the Surgeon General's warning: "980,000,000 Tumors Can't Be Wrong!"  
  
Zero: "Ahh, cigarettes... my only true friend."  
Alia: (into commlink) "Bastard!"  
Zero: "I repeat.... my only true friend.... you stupid whore...."  
Alia: "Oh, I see how it is..."  
Zero: "Good, now go play in traffic."  
Alia: "Too late, your boyfriend took my favorite spot!"  
Zero: "That just isn't funny anymore, Alia, seriously. Stop running the gay jokes into the ground."  
Alia: "Right.... can you investigate some Maverick activity in.... your septic tank?"  
Zero: "Oh no..... is it Shitty Coelocanth?"  
Alia: "None other than...."  
Zero: "Dammit, I hate that...... shitty..... thing...."  
  
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To Be Continued in Chapter 3.......... 


End file.
